Steam trains and Saturday mornings

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. I wouldn’t have known that, except that my son did a flying leap on top of me and yelled, “Good morning, daddy!” during his descent. I woke up to the unsolicited onslaught and started our morning tickle regimen that keeps his laughing muscles in shape. He usually wouldn’t be up this early on a weekend, 7 a.m., but I had been prepping him the entire night before to go and ride the Yosemite Mountain Sugar Pine Railroad, the only steam train that I am aware of in our area.

He was excited, if not confused. He knew we were going to ride the steam train, but he was unaware of exactly how we were going to do that. We were in Yosemite the week before, and I explained that we were going back to the mountains to ride the train, but I could not convince him that those mountains were not around the ocean. During breakfast, while I packed our day pack and snacks, and even while we were getting into the car with our two friends who were riding with us, Brenda and Mike, he kept on saying how he couldn’t wait to see the ocean.

Every time he talked about the ocean, I explained that we really weren’t going to see the ocean today. Maybe we would see a bear or some deer, lots of trees and mountains, possibly a stream or river, but we were definitely not seeing the ocean during our outing today. Finally, after both Mike and Brenda confirmed that we were not going to the ocean, Brian Jr. realized that there was no possibility of an oceanic adventure today.

With my son somewhat disappointed that we were riding a train that was nowhere around the ocean, we began driving. His earlier enthusiasm was somewhat diminished, and he fell asleep in the truck on the way to the train.

He woke up a bit before we arrived at the steam train turn-off, and was now excited about riding the train, which he happily pointed out, “is in the mountains, not by the ocean.”

We got out of the truck and had our obligatory race up the hill. Upon completion of the race, we bought our tickets, checked out the rustic shops (where, oddly, Brian liked checking out the antique tools more than he cared about the antique toys), and waited for the train to start our epic journey through the wild countryside.

We boarded onto the log seats, which is where Brian insisted we ride, much to my pleasure. It is always wonderful when you and your son have the same ideas. A German family boarded right next to us with three dogs. Brian was far more interested in the dogs than anything else going on around him. Suddenly, though, the train’s whistle blew and Brian almost jumped out of the train with surprise. I sat him down next to me as we began moving. Hitting Brian’s funny bone, the Cocker Spaniel started barking without even knowing who he should be barking at just because the train was moving. Junior thought it was so funny, and he wanted to go over and pet the dog to calm him, but I wouldn’t let him since getting up was against the rules once the train was moving.

Brian really enjoyed the ride, but his favorite moment was when we hit the halfway point of the first leg and the steam train started working hard and released a lot of steam everywhere. The entire area turned from a beautiful, clear day to a foggy, misty forest fit for any Friday the 13th movie (maybe a Jack the Ripper in London moment, you choose the scarier scenario). Brian was completely impressed. As we were going around the next turn, still in heavy steam, I looked at the engine and noticed how hard it was working. The fire box beneath the train was pulsating with red fire, and I drew Brian’s attention to it. I explained that the fire was heating the water and making it into steam, and the steam was what was driving the pressure to make the engine move the train. Brian was very unsure about what I was saying, until we reached the top of the little hill, and the engineer released the excess steam. Within moments, we could no longer see the engine or its fire box and even the forest was fading. It was impressive.

On the drive home, Brian was getting tired. I had fed him and the walking/running at the train station and subsequent hiking afterwards had wore out his little body. Mike, my friend, and I were enjoying a bunch of friendly banter in the front seat, though. After a while, Brian’s “pay attention to me” meter was pegged, and he knew he was about to fall asleep anyway. He butted into the conversation Mike and I were having, and I started talking with him.

While we were talking, Mike made a joke about what we were talking about. I started laughing, and Brian quietly said, “That’s not funny.” I started laughing a little louder, with Mike and Brenda joining in, and Brian more loudly stated, “That’s not FUNNY.” Now I was laughing even harder, as everyone except Brian Junior was, and Brian, in his tired state, screamed, “THAT’S NOT FUNNY.”

At this point, I realized that Brian was getting very tired, so I told Mike not to egg him on. Brian kept saying, “That’s not funny; that’s not funny; that’s not funny…” probably because we all laughed when he said it every previous time. Finally, I had to tell him that it was funny, but it isn’t anymore. Mike, trying to help me out, said, “Knock-Knock.”

Apparently, however, tired Brian was still mad at him for taking my attention away. Brian, despite the fact that I am positive he didn’t want to talk to Mike right then, but who had never dealt with a situation where he couldn’t answer a knock-knock joke screamed, “WHOOOOO’S THEEEEEEEEEERE?!?”

I just about jumped out of my seat, but Mike was unfazed. He immediately continued his knock-knock joke and Brian laughed at the fact that he was, apparently, happy that Mike didn’t say banana. Brian fell asleep within minutes after the joke.

Once we got home, I asked Brian if he had fun. He said that it was really fun, and still had his ticket in his hand. I asked if he wanted to ride the train again and he said, “That’s not funny,” while laughing giddily at his own highly developed wit. I guess next time we will hit the ocean.

--by Brian Hansen, Sr.,
FDC member and devoted dad

'0 to 5 in 30 Minutes' profiles the Fresno Dads Club

"0 to 5 in 30 Minutes," the premier locally produced television program for parents of younger children, broadcast a very complimentary profile of the Fresno Dads Club as part of its June 4 episode. Shown on KVPT Valley Public Television just in time for Father's Day, the profile segment showcased the Fresno Dads Club's efforts to serve as a community for fathers in and around Fresno, and explored the importance of fathers in the lives of children.



The segment featured comments from FDC charter member Jay McElroy, who eloquently expressed what the Fresno Dads Club wants to accomplish for dads in our community. It also included video of two recent Club events, a Park Playdate at Oso de Oro, and a Dads and Kids Night at Bounce U, featuring glimpses of our members Ulysses, VJ, Rory and Tim.

The segment is scheduled for rebroadcast 10:30 a.m. Sunday, June 7, on KVPT.

FDC testing a new discussion Forum in June

With the recent spamming of our Fresno Dads Club Forum by offshore servers, it's become clear we need to investigate a new "engine" for our online discussions. So beginning today, June 4, the Fresno Dads Club will begin testing the use of a "Google Group" to power our most popular online communications tool.

"The makers of 'phpBB,' the program that powered our old Forum, announced a couple of months ago that they had been hacked, and this has caused our old Forum to receive huge amounts of spam over the last couple of months," said Club charter member and website contact Tim Savage.

"Because of the kinds of spam posted, it's only a matter of time before someone somewhere to that old Forum," Tim added. "That's an unacceptable risk to the Club, and makes it imperative we begin to explore some other options."

The first option is available today under the link "New Forum." Powered by Google Groups, it offers us a number of expanded capabilities, including ways to keep in contact with our membership via e-mail blasts, a more secure process for joining our Club, as well as a full online calendar -- something we've long sought.

The one disadvantage? The Google Group-powered Forum does not categorize posts as neatly as the old phpBB board. "I understand some of our older members may be used to neat categories," Tim said. "But the reality is only about five or six of our old categories were active anyway. And for new members, it might be easier to see all Forum posts on a single screen."

New members -- especially those who join after seeing our profile on KVPT -- will be instructed to join via the new Forum. Old members are being asked to give the new Forum a try. "It's overall advantages for the Club truly outweigh any initial discomfort our old members may feel," Tim added. The old forum will remain available for a time, but its continued use is discouraged.

Fresno Dads Club rocks the booth at Babyfest

The annual Babyfest event is one of the biggest draws for new parents in Fresno. And this year Fresno Dads Club was there, shaking hands, telling passersby about our events, and welcoming several dads-to-be to the world of fatherhood.

"With so many 'mom's clubs' in Fresno, it's important that local dads have a similar resource available," said Jay McElroy, Fresno Dads Club charter member and one of the dads on duty at Babyfest. "We pride ourselves on being the most active dad's club in Fresno, and we're pleased so many dads who stopped by wanted to learn more."

"A lot of folks who stopped by were surprised to find something like Fresno Dads Club even existed, and just about everyone who spoke to us found the idea of a locally managed club for dads to be what they were looking for," said Tim Savage, FDC charter member. "We met a lot of great dads today, and we want to encourage Fresno dads of all ages to consider joining us."

Kudos to FDC members Jay, Rory, V.J., Tim and Ulysses, without whom having a booth at the event would not have been possible. And to all new members we met at Babyfest, we wish you a warm welcome!

Recession Fatherhood: A quick and helpful primer

So, the economy’s in the toilet, the paycheck isn’t going as far as it used to, the bills aren’t getting any smaller, and your little ones are still clamoring for entertainment, eh?

We feel your pain.

When you’re a dad, facing the realities of our economy – with prices going up and the certainty of employment going through the floor – is indeed a tough spot. The little ones look up to you for everything from guidance and education to feeding and entertainment, and yet checking the wallet and finding it empty can make even the most fortunate of us feel powerless.

Fret not, dads. This month The Fresno Dads Club offers its guide to “Recession Fatherhood,” a handy primer on how to keep the little ones fed, entertained and educated for free or on the cheap. Read on, and if you have ideas to share, please feel free to send ‘em along.

Food:
Aside from housing expenses, forking over for food is usually the biggest expense in a household. But with a house full of little mouths open like baby birds in the nest, cutting the budget without cutting their intake can be quite a feat.

That said, dads and families can take a few simple steps to reduce their food bills significantly. How?

First, reduce or limit going out to eat. And not just by cutting those all-you-can-eat token-filled evenings at John’s Incredible Pizza, either. Unless you’re in the mood for expertly prepared filet mignon or shrimp cocktails, making dinner at home is almost always less expensive than heading out to a restaurant. Cooking? The more you do, the better you’ll get.

Lunches? Mac and cheese takes only 15 minutes to make and feeds two for less than a buck a box. Perpetually underrated PBJs on whole grain are not only nutritious, but can also be the source of future happy memories when your children make their own. If your kids are already chicken-nugget addicts, a bag of frozen nuggets can get you through a week of lunches for the price of one-and-a-half Happy Meals. And screw Save Mart; as the most expensive non-boutique grocery chain in town, it’s best avoided. Instead, hit WinCo or Foods Co. for better prices on the same products. For the biggest savings, be sure to visit their bulk sections.

And as a final thought, don’t be afraid to spend part of your Sunday clipping coupons. That coupon section can indeed offer some tremendous money-saving deals.

Entertainment:
Kids can be little sponges for wallet-draining entertainment, can’t they? A night at the movies for a family of four – with tickets, non-smuggled snacks and a soda for everyone – can easily exceed $50 or $60 bucks. New discs for the XBox or PlayStation can run anywhere from $20-$50. And if you’re paying a sitter to watch the bambinos while you and your significant other go on Date Night, you may have to limit yourselves to just the soup.

There are better and less expensive ways. A Netflix membership can keep you and the little ones up to your eyeballs in movies all month for far less than the cost of seeing a movie solo. While it can be a tough sell for older kids, swapping XBox or PlayStation time for something along the lines of Monopoly can not only save money and electricity, but might even help with securing precious “family time.”

If you read to your children – and you should! – consider forsaking Barnes and Noble or Borders in favor of a library visit. Most of Fresno’s libraries have extensive children’s sections, and a visit may even garner you a few minutes of peace if one of their “Volunteer Readers” is there to keep the kids entertained.

And Fresno has plenty of free play activities available. An afternoon at a park like Oso de Oro – FDC’s favorite – can help keep the kids active and involved for only the price of the gas to get there. RiverPark has an outdoor play area for the littler ones, too, but you have to restrain yourself from visiting the nearby Me & Eds or Jamba Juice to save the money. For smaller kids, the play area inside Fashion Fair Mall is still a favorite, but like a RiverPark visit, one must have the restraint to avoid a stop at Mrs. Fields or the food court while you’re there.

Got lawn sprinklers? Instant water park! Add a few cheap squirt guns and it may even help the older ones get over their “Halo” addictions.

And for any child under five, an afternoon of entertainment can be had with a pile of old newspapers or magazines, blank paper, safety scissors and a glue stick. Have them find photos they like in ads or articles, cut them out, arrange them into a nice collage and glue-stick them in place. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s hours of entertainment for the $2 price of a glue stick.

Still need that Date Night? For two or fewer kids, the Jax Junglehouse drop-off childcare business in north Fresno runs about half the price of any babysitter who's not your mother-in-law or your dear Aunt Fanny. The kids get to play with other kids, they're well supervised, and you and your significant other get to go enjoy yourselves. Not a bad deal, right?

Expenses:
There are plenty of other ways to nip expenses in the bud. For some, these suggestions may be painful, but let’s face it: they can save more than a few bucks in the long run.

Starbucks addict? (Like me?) While I would never belie any father’s need for caffeine, mochas and lattes run at least $3.50, especially if you’re finding the new McCafes a bit too convenient. As an alternative, consider that a $6 jar of Folger’s Freeze Dried combined with a $4 jug of Coffee-Mate French Vanilla creamer will closely match the flavor of a vanilla latte for about a tenth or a fifteenth of the cost. Translated: A couple of week’s worth of caffeine fix for the price of less than three Starbucks runs.

Can your wheels do without the thumping subwoofer, the flame job or the chrome spinners? It’d save you some bucks without costing you any street cred, mostly because being a father is just about the most badass thing you can do, right?

Do you have the confidence (or need your other half’s permission) to cut your children’s hair yourself? Doing so will save the cost of a haircut per child at least bimonthly.

Know the location of the nearest thrift store? They’re great places to get kid’s clothes on the cheap. And what’s better, when the kids outgrow them you can sell the same clothes back.

And as a random thought, do you really need to spend as much as you may on beer, or wine, or liquor, or smokes, or the lottery, or Chukchansi? Can you find a way to cut or eliminate these completely? Of course we all have our vices, but I’ve gotta believe reducing or eliminating these could not only save serious dinero, but perhaps lead to being a better father. That’s not a moral judgment, mind you… it’s just the reality of fatherhood.

Guidance:
Yes, your kids will probably ask why you’re trying so hard to cut expenses. I don’t believe there’s any harm in being honest and telling them how expensive things are these days. Kids can be remarkably resilient, and will accept change readily if you can get past their initial five minutes of whining about perceived deprivation.

But there is a fast way to guide them on the virtues of cutting expenses and saving money. And it’s as old as the hills.

Get a glass jar, or an empty five-gallon water jug, or an empty Jif or Peter Pan container once you’ve immersed your family in PBJ lunches. Cut the proverbial slot in the top, and let your little ones put any coins they find or receive right in the jar. Instant piggy bank, and what’s better, you’re teaching them to save. The daughter of someone I know once filled a five-gallon water jug with pennies. Sure, it took a while, but at the end she had nearly $1,000 in there. In pennies! One iPod, one PC and a few new wardrobe items later, Little Thrifty was a happy girl who not only knew how to save, but took a lot of pride in her achievement.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we’d all learned to save that early in life?

--by Tim Savage, a.k.a. 'Thorne',
charter member of FDC and full-time dad

When Bowls Collide: A Super Bowl Sunday Story

Editor's Note: With Super Bowl XLIII less than a month away, the story of how one Fresno Dads Club father spent last year’s Super Bowl Sunday bears repeating. Enjoy, and don’t forget to wash your hands afterwards.

You know how it is. Even though Super Bowl Sunday is designated as "Dad's day off" in our household, as the dad I was still required to spend most of the catching up on a little household maintenance, swapping out our showerhead and toilet seat for newer models and cleaning, to whatever extent possible, my at-home office. But when 5 p.m. rolled around, the time came to drop whatever I was doing with that day "off" and take over Boy Care, while Mrs. headed to the kitchen after watching the first half of Super Bowl XLII, Patriots vs. Giants, abandoning the game in favor of creating some eggplant parmigiana for the family.

So Super Bowl XLII remained on in the background while I spent a rainy late afternoon in my living room with my three-year-old son, The Boy. The halftime show was just ending as I entered the room, and I watched bemused as The Boy kept his back to the television, combining and recombining Legos into any number of fascinating configurations before asking to play a rousing game of Candyland.

I admit it. The two years I spent in Providence made me a New England Patriots fan. But that said, even when “my team” is there, I tend to show about as much interest in actually watching the Super Bowl as a timberwolf does in visiting a shopping mall. To me, even if my team is there, the Super Bowl is usually just a bad football game played in front of an audience where commercials take center stage, fighting for space in the audience's minds with the snack pile and the "brews remaining" count.

Our living-room Lego adventures continued until the eggplant parmagiana was ready, and after that hearty and tasty meal, we sauntered off once again to the living room, where we found the New York Giants had just taken the lead from my heavily favored Patriots. The Lego reassemblies suddenly degraded into a father/son tickle fight, and after the giggles subsided, The Boy stood up, headed for his train table, and while bending at the waist and holding on to the table's edge with both hands, he began jumping up and down.

Months of experience told me this was The Signal; The Boy needed to poop. And the Patriots, slightly behind on points, were trying to score on four downs with less than a minute left in the game.

Now, you must understand we've had nothing but trouble in the potty-training department since I had some business travel a month earlier. I pretty well had The Boy trained for both Number Ones and Number Twos before the Thanksgiving holiday, but with my mother-in-law stepping into the Boy Care role while I traveled -- and no, having raised three kids of her own, she doesn't like to take direction from a mere "dad" on anything I do for The Boy, including training methods -- something happened. I know not what, exactly, but suffice it to say while in the care of Mother-In-Law, The Boy reverted entirely to making messes in Pull-Ups, completely losing interest in and developing an active resistance to any semblence of toilet use.

In the intervening weeks we've had a devil of a time retraining him, achieving only a complete lack of success. Stubborn one, this Boy, preferring when "the feeling" comes to stay put and have what he calls "an accident," despite copious reward offers.

So, at the moment he began jumping, two clocks were ticking. One for the trailing Patriots, and one for potty-time success.

In the final minute, as the Patriots attempted to move the ball downfield, I attempted to move The Boy down hall, coaxing him into heading toward the bathroom and trying for his "first down" since November. As the Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady got sacked, The Boy looked to me from atop the throne and said, "Would you go away for a minute?"

I left the bathroom just as the Patriots offense ran out of downs, and for a moment, we believed all was lost.

But then, as Patriots coach Bill Belichick strode onto the field to congratulate the about-to-win Giants, the bathroom door cracked open. There, as the announcers spoke of the Giants impending win and the efforts to restore order on the field so the game's final second could be played, a triumphant Boy stood, grinning at me proudly. He opened the bathroom door and pointed to the toilet, saying, "Tah-dah!" and revealing a bowl-bottom lump of potty-time success that, in many ways, must have resembled how many Patriots fans felt at that moment.

Yes, my team lost. And yes, I missed the end of the game. But I couldn't have been more proud. After all, after a long season of wins and fumbles, my Boy had just won the Pooper Bowl.

--by Tim Savage, a.k.a. 'Thorne',
charter member of FDC and full-time dad

And the winner is… 'Newcastle Brown Ale' -- but not without controversy

Newcastle Brown Ale, a darker-but-mainstream ale brewed in Great Britain since 1770, has been chosen as the Official Beer of the Fresno Dads Club, the club has announced. A quorum of Fresno Dads Club members favored Newcastle Brown over a dozen other nominees from all over the world in a semi-blind tasting event, held Saturday, Aug. 9, in Fresno.

But the result did not come without controversy. After the first round of competition, one top-finishing beer had to be disqualified, and one Club member raised the possibility of a flaw in the testing procedures.

It is the stated belief of the Fresno Dads Club that fathers everywhere, after fulfilling their duties as involved dads, playmates, providers, pals and disciplinarians for their children, deserve to enjoy a cold brew for their efforts, in moderation, of course. Toward this end, and to demonstrate its leadership in the Fatherhood community, the Fresno Dads Club undertook the difficult course of choosing its Official Beer.

The Event

Club members were asked to bring three 12-ounce bottles of any beer they wanted to nominate to the event, which included grilled hot dogs, bratwurst, roasted almonds and Doritos as palate-cleansing mechanisms. During tasting, participating Club members took turns pouring each nominated beer, ensuring that individual judges did not know which beer was being tasted 75 percent of the time. On their ballots, Club members were asked to rate each beer as “Good,” “Meh,” or “Bad,” based on consideration of five criteria:

1. Taste: Is it good, or is it swill?
2. Drinkability: Does it go down easy, or is it like swallowing turpentine?
3. Body: Is it a beer for frak’s sake, or is it water?
4. Finish: Happy ending, or misfire?
5. Efficacy: Could you get plowed on this stuff? Would you want to?

The Controversy

After the first round of competition, three beers were tied for the lead. But one of those beers, Pyramid Hefeweizen, could not be reconsidered during the final round of judging because none remained after the first round of competition. In the end, it was disqualified because of inadequate tasting supply.

Also, one club member raised the possibility of a flaw in the testing procedures. Club member Mahwy1, who stated a preference for Coors products and offered as full disclosure his Colorado background, said in a message posted to the Fresno Dads Club forums, “I rated 3 beers ‘Good’ and gave Coors Light a high ‘Meh,’ and only really went that way because of the ‘Is it a beer for frak’s sake or is it water?’ category.

“I was just trying to follow the judging guidelines (even though I think the category was leading us to give higher scores for darker beers),” Mahwy1 said. “I like the lighter beers, but the judging was set up to make that a negative.” In the competition, Coors and Coors Light both finished dead last in scoring, tying with budget beer Keystone “in the specially-lined can.” Incidentally, because of its distinctive vomit-esque bouquet, Keystone was designated by the judges as the beer “most likely to have been barfed into.”

“I can certainly understand Mahwy1’s position, and our supply issues with Pyramid Hefeweizen could certainly cast some doubt upon our selection of Newcastle Brown Ale as our 'Official Beer,'” said Club member and event host Thorne. “But I think we made a sound decision in choosing Newcastle Brown. And besides, I can think of worse things than having to do this competition all over again.”

(Editor's Note: We at FDC take our fathering duties seriously. But as this contest demonstrates, we’re not above having a little fun, either.)

Overall Results